Making Sense

Life can be confusing—there’s no doubt about it! But how do we, as adults, make sense of our experiences? Dan Siegel, in his book Mindsight (2010), explains that “the key to making sense is what the researchers came to call a ‘life narrative’—the way we put our story into words to convey it to another person” (p. 172). 

For parents, one of the most endearing (or perhaps frustrating) stages of a child’s development is the infamous “why” phase. Children’s endless questions are their way of trying to make sense of the world around them. Asking “why” is a search for knowledge, and without answers, they are left to guess. For many, this uncertainty can be unsettling. The unknown often brings insecurity, and we naturally seek to overcome it by making sense of our experiences. 

For young children, making sense often requires the help of a more knowledgeable person. Children use play as a primary tool for understanding the world, and for everyday situations, play is often sufficient. However, when children experience something traumatic—something terrifying and overwhelming—they usually need the guidance of a caring adult to process and understand what has happened. 

Play and metaphor can be helpful for children in processing difficult experiences because they provide some distance from the event. But for deeper understanding, something more is needed. The right side of the brain, where memories and emotions are stored, often dominates during a traumatic flashback. This dominance can override logic, sequence, and even language, making it difficult for a child to make sense of what they are feeling. 

Here, the caring adult’s role is crucial. By helping a child tell their story, the adult can re-engage the left side of the brain, which handles logic, structure, and language. This process enables the child to gradually make sense of overwhelming emotions and experiences, using the logic and words provided by the adult. Expression is vital—without it, these internal feelings may surface as less desirable behaviours. On the other hand, when feelings are expressed and understood, they become less overwhelming, and external reactions are more manageable. 

Siegel (2010) highlights how “studies have suggested that simply writing down our account of a challenging experience can lower the physiological reactivity and increase our sense of well-being, even if we never show what we’ve written to anyone else” (p. 187). 

It’s fascinating how much our well-being and ability to function in today’s world depend on our ability to make sense of it. Go figure!