What does it mean to be regulated? According to the Oxford Dictionary, to be regulated is to be “properly controlled, governed, or directed.” In simpler terms, it means being able to manage our emotions, actions, words, and thoughts. This sounds like a tall order, especially in the fast-paced, high-pressure world we live in. For adults with fully developed prefrontal cortices—the part of the brain that helps us think before acting—it’s still a challenge. Now, imagine being a child with an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex, or worse, a child who has experienced developmental trauma.

To better understand this, think of our bodies like machines. A machine receives an input from its environment, processes it based on its programming, and produces an output. Each machine is programmed differently, which is why outputs vary. Let’s apply this concept to a classroom setting.

Imagine a child named Lucy. The class is working on a maths task, and the noise level begins to rise as pupils get involved. Lucy doesn’t like maths—it makes her feel anxious because she hates being wrong, and the black-and-white nature of the subject feels threatening. As the noise grows, the teacher raises her voice to regain control. At first, it has little effect, so the teacher raises her voice even louder.

For Lucy, this moment triggers memories of her home life, where domestic violence was common, and raised voices often meant danger. Her “machine” processes the input—loud voices—and interprets it as a threat. Her body reacts instinctively: fear, a desire to escape, and the belief that she is in danger. Lucy hides under the table and covers her ears, convinced the teacher’s raised voice is directed at her because she can’t do the math and will be blamed. To an uninformed observer, Lucy’s behaviour may seem irrational or disobedient, but it’s actually a survival response. She hasn’t learned how to properly control or manage her reactions because her "programming" is shaped by trauma.

How Can This Change?

How can Lucy learn to manage her responses? The brain forms pathways based on repeated experiences. The more a response is reinforced, the stronger the pathway becomes. Lucy needs new, positive experiences to help her build better pathways, but she can’t do it alone. She needs a regulated, supportive adult to guide her.

Helping Lucy regulate requires patience, understanding, and compassion. It’s not enough to demand that she “sit up and finish her work”—this will only increase her sense of being out of control. Instead, Lucy needs an adult to acknowledge her feelings, accept her response without judgment, and gently help her bring her prefrontal cortex back online.

The Role of Co-Regulation

Children who struggle to regulate themselves need co-regulation—an adult’s guidance and support to help them calm down and feel safe. Every child is different, and what they need to regulate may change depending on the situation. Some children benefit from physical activity, like bouncing on a trampoline, kicking a ball, or playing catch. Others might find comfort in a crunchy or chewy snack, or in sipping a drink through a straw. Sometimes, a child may need the closeness of a trusted adult, whether through a hug, a hand massage, or simply sitting nearby. Others might benefit from focused activities like colouring, deep breathing exercises, or sensory tools.

The key is that a trusted adult helps the child identify and practice these strategies. Over time, as children experience co-regulation, they gradually learn to self-regulate. For children who have experienced trauma, being “properly controlled, governed, or directed” is often impossible without support. A calm, regulated adult is the starting point.

Regulation

Know yourself

Making Sense