Christmas time…
Such a special, yet complicated time of year. Despite the best efforts of school staff, parents, and community groups to make this season magical, for some children the disruption of routines and the sensory overload can be overwhelming.
There are many reasons why this might happen. For children with developmental trauma, routine and predictability are vital in helping them feel safe. Repetition plays a key role in establishing neural pathways, particularly during the earliest stages of life when brain development is at its most critical. The repeated messages a child receives form the foundation of their inner working model—their beliefs about themselves, others, and the world.
When those foundational experiences are shaped by fear and instability, a child develops survival-based coping mechanisms that persist as they grow. The brain gravitates toward familiarity, even if it’s not what is best for the child. Without new, consistent experiences to create positive neural pathways, these children often revert to behaviours that reflect their past experiences.
So, how does Christmas affect this dynamic?
First, there’s the disruption of routine. Predictability is key for children with developmental trauma. When their daily structure is upended, it can trigger a sense of danger, leading to dysregulation. In an effort to regain control, these children might display behaviours that are challenging for those around them.
Second, some children may feel compelled to sabotage joyful events. This can be particularly hard for caring adults to manage, as it may feel like a rejection of their efforts. However, this behaviour often stems from a deep fear of disappointment. For children who have experienced repeated letdowns, the idea of something "lovely" can feel too vulnerable. By sabotaging it themselves, they protect against the pain of unmet expectations and maintain a sense of control.
At such a busy and high-pressure time of year, it’s natural for caregivers and educators to feel stretched thin. But when these behaviors arise, it’s important to remember that they are not personal attacks. Rather, they are a child’s way of communicating a deep, unmet need. When things feel chaotic, these children need consistency, predictability, and patience more than ever.
It’s not always easy—especially when it feels like you’re being pushed away—but staying steady, calm, and available can make all the difference. These children need to know they are valued, even when their actions seem to say otherwise. These children are not trying to make life harder; they are navigating a world that often feels unpredictable and unsafe to them.
Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. By focusing on connection and providing a safe, predictable environment, we can help these children feel secure during this complicated time of year. In doing so, we give them a gift that goes far beyond the season: the knowledge that they are loved and supported, no matter what. Keep going.
Pine cone Christmas Trees